Remains
by telltaleCatalyst
Summary: Sometimes, you think he's dying. He's always been on the small side, but ever since you finished Sgrub, Karkat's been positively skeletal. The bags under his eyes won't fade, not even with twelve hours sleep. Post-Sgrub sadstuck SolKat.
1. 1 Remains

Sometimes, you think he's dying. He's always been on the small side, but ever since you finished Sgrub, Karkat's been positively skeletal. The bags under his eyes won't fade, not even with twelve hours sleep. Some days, he's better. He acts grumpy, even angry, more like his old self. Then there are the days when he does nothing but sit and stare at his hivetop, like he thinks that if he waits long enough, all of your dead friends will come back online.

This is where you find him today, surrounded by empty energy drink bottles, knees pulled up to his chest, face half buried in them. You wonder if he's eaten at all today.

"KK?" you ask cautiously.

"Hey, Sollux." His voice is empty, all the energy sucked out of it.

"It'th almotht dawn, time to thleep."

"'k." he mumbles, but doesn't get up.

You sigh. "Come on."

You wrap one arm around his shoulders, the other curls under his knees. You pick him up, and it scares you, how light he is. He rests his head against your shoulder, eyes half closed, staring into space. You carry Karkat to your respiteblock and slide him into the recooperacoon. You climb in after him and wrap your arms around him when he leans into you.

"Sollux…" he begins.

"Yeth, KK?" you gently stroke his hair with one hand.

"I…I miss…"

"I know. I mith them too."

"I wish I h-had…" He buries his face in your chest.

"It'th okay."

His shoulders shake. His voice is slightly muffled, but you understand his words perfectly. "It's _not _okay! I'm such an idiot. I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. _I should have died a long time ago. I don't deserve you, you should have left me to die-_"

"It'th NOT your fault, KK!" you insist. "Thooth, thooth." You hold him tighter. His tears et your shirt. Eventually, he becomes heavy in your arms. You rest your head on his and fall asleep."

When you wake, Karkat is gone. You pull yourself out of the spoor and find him in your hygieneblock. He's shivering and shaking like a leaf in a windstorm. Transparent lines of red trace down his cheeks. You sit down next to him, but are afraid to touch him. He looks so small and fragile, like he could fall apart at any minute.

Instead, you ask, "Dreamth?"

He nods "Y-yeah."

"I know. I have them too."

"They-they're dead, Sollux. They're dead because I couldn't save them."

Hesitantly, you wrap an arm around his shoulders. He leans into your touch. "Thath'th not true, KK. You thaved me. You thaved Aradia and Kanaya."

"But not _all _of them. Not even _close _to all of them. I couldn't even save Gamzee from himself…" Sobs take control of his body.

You bite your lip. It's been over a sweep since you finished Sgrub, you had hoped that Karkat would get better, but your dead friends are haunting him.

You turn so your back is against the wall and he is facing you, and pull him into your lap. He slumps against your chest, still sobbing uncontrollably.

The pain on his face is searing, agony obvious in the tension in every tortured limb. Something, somewhere deep inside of him has broken, and you don't know how to fix _him_. So you just hold him.

"Do you th-think that they bl-blame me?" he sniffs, sobs finally subsiding.

"Nobody blameth, you. You did everything you could."

He wraps his trembling arms around your torso, holding on to you desperately, weak and vulnerable. "It wasn't enough. It was never enough. I'm so tired, Sollux. So, so _tired_. I wish _I _was dead, instead of them."

"KK..." your throat constricts, and yellow tears pool in your eyes.

"Sollux…"He looks up at you. His eyes, once a bright orange, are now dull and lifeless. "Don't leave me."

"I won't. Not ever." You speak into his hair. "I promithe."

He sighs, perhaps in relief. You hear him murmuring the names of your dead friends. Tavros, Equius, Nepeta, Eridan, Vriska, Feferi. His voice hitches around the names Terezi and Gamzee.

You plant a kiss on top of his head and rub his back. Slowly but steadily, his breath evens out and his eyes close.

Just when you thinks he's gone to sleep, he asks, "Sollux?"

"Yeth, KK?"

"I'm glad you're with me."

You don't reply, but hold onto Karkat a little tighter.


	2. 2 Salvage

AN: Sorry it took me so long to update. If this sounds forced, it's because I wrote the meaningful parts in the principal's office. Next chapter will hopefully come sooner, but I make no promises. There will be pale Solara in here, even though I ship it flushed. Moirail, you better appreciate it, sucky as it is. Think of it as revenge for tealing all the colors. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU DID.

You wake up to the familiar comfort of Karkat's small frame. He's slumped against you, your arms still wound around each other. Your back and neck ache from sleeping in the hygieneblock, but all that matters to you is Karkat. You sit and just _hold _him for a minute, remembering days when you both slept easier, nights when kisses weren't always a method of comfort, but more often a luxury you chose to lavish upon your matesprit, whether he wanted them or not.

He stirs slightly, bringing you back to the present. The expression on his face is, if not one of happiness, as you would prefer, at least one of relief. These nights, that's the most you can give Karkat.

You exhale quietly into his hair, trying not to disturb him. You are so afraid of losing Karkat, afraid that what remains of his sanity will disappear, that his mind will drift to a place where not even you can reach him.

You suppose you should try to make things normal for him, try to get him to stop dwelling on the unchangeable past. Try to get him to live again.

He shifts in your arms again, mumbling something that could be your name.

"I'm gonna move you to the 'coon, okay?" You turn Karkat sideways and stand up, ignoring the stiffness in your body.

After you slip Karkat into the slime, you change clothes and lay a fresh set out for him. Then you walk to the nutritionblock, where you hope to make something resembling breakfast.

When you finish, the cooling mounds look reasonably like pancakes and, with enough syrup, they probably won't taste too horrendous. Yet set both on the counter before the couch in front of the TV. The next thing you do is make a nest of blankets on the couch, then put a rom-com in the DVD player.

You smile when you realize you know exactly how the old Karkat would have reacted to this. He would have demanded to know what you had done this time, refused to believe you when you protested that you were just trying to be romantic; and when he finally settled into you to watch the movie, yelled at the characters, getting unbelievably frustrated despite having seen the movie seventy-two times already. When the end of the movie came, he would have cried quietly into your shoulder, at least until you put the next one in. Rinse and repeat. It only took about three rom-coms before Karkat gave in to your soft touches and gentle kisses, and the sloppy makeouts began.

But those days are on hiatus. Karkat is scarred and empty, but not forever. Or so you tell yourself.

"Sollux?" A sleepy voice asks.

Karkat is standing in the doorway, taking in the scene. "Did you make… breakfast?"

"Hopefully." You wrap an arm around him and guide him toward the couch, where you sit with him in your lap. He settles comfortably back against your chest and grabs breakfast as you start the movie. The pancakes are all right, and while Old Karkat would have bitched and pretended to hate them, now he eats them without complaint.

The sucky movie allows you escape from your thought, you barely notice when KK starts another one. But you can't stop thinking forever.

You don't know when you got so nostalgic you couldn't look at Karkat without thinking of the way things used to be. You need to get away. You need some space. You need…_Aradia_. It's been several nights since you visited your moirail.

"KK?" You say, about halfway through the second movie. "If it'th alright with you, I wath thinking of dropping you off at KN'th hive after this."

"I'd like that." He says. "But where will you be?"

"Vithiting AA. Thouldn't be too long." Kanaya's been pestering Karkat about coming over for ages, and you're always welcome at Aradia's.

You wave goodbye to KK and KN as you walk toward Aradia's hive. Both Aradia and Kanaya moved closer after Sgrub. You know Kanaya has pale feelings for Karkat, but the wound of Gamzee is still too fresh on anyone's minds.

Aradia greets you with a hug when she opens the door. She looks healthy, such a contrast from Karkat's sickly appearance,

"Hey,Sollux!" She chirps, then sees the look on your face. "What's wrong?"

"I need to talk to you." You say shakily.

Aradia pulls you inside, sits down in a corner, and forces your head onto her lap. She pulls off your glasses and rubs your temples, her normally cheerful face now full of concern. Her hands are cool and comforting.

"It's Karkat, isn't it?"

"Y-yeah. He'th not getting any better…thometimeth, he'th happy, but…"

"It never lasts?" She finishes your sentence for you.

You nod and close your eyes. "I can't get through to him that what happened wathn't hith fault. He blameth himthelf, and I can't help him. I jutht…I can't…"

"Shoosh." She says gently. "Sollux, this matespritship, it's…unhealthy."

"But-!"

"I'm not saying you should leave him, I'm just saying, all your time is devoted to Karkat, which is not a good thing, and you need to think about yourself, too."

"He'th jutht tho weak and helpleth, and –"

"Shoosh." Aradia says firmly, placing a hand over your mouth and papping your forehead gently.

"What am I going to do?" You mutter, more to yourself than to your moirail.

"You'll do whatever you think is best. And you'll be okay." She rubs your forehead.

"How do you know?"

She giggles. "Never doubt the words of a psychic, silly."

After a considerable amount of time spent cuddling and talking with Aradia (you refuse to use the term "feels jam"), you picked up Karkat from Kanaya's hive and walk home with him.

He's happy, but it's the kind of fragile happiness that breaks easily. There's a feverish light shining in his eyes, making them look almost…

Your gaze snaps up, instantly scanning the street. It's empty, but that's hardly comforting. You quicken your pace and grab Karkat's hand. He looks up, confused, but there's your hive and oh gog—safe.

"Sollux?" Karkat has his head cocked to the left in that adorably grubbish way. "What's wrong?"

You just wrap your arms around him, press his face to your chest, and bury yours in his thick, soft hair. You're shaking, you know, but you had hoped and prayed this wouldn't happen. That Karkat would be allowed some mercy, instead of the inevitable doom that lies before both of you. His hands lightly pat your back.

You pull away and look him in the face. No doubt about it his eyes are turning red. "KK…your eyeth.."

His shoulders slump, "So you noticed. Yeah…"

"I'm thorry."

"Not your fault." He looks at you with desperation. "But, Sollux. Listen to me. Save yourself. _Turn me in_."

He has that pleading, wide-eyed look that would usually force you to do whatever he wanted, but now he's just trying to guilt-trip you. "Sollux, _please_. If you turn me in, they might spare you and Kanaya and Aradia. I don't want more people to die because I failed!"

"NO!" You're shouting, and Karkat's sobbing again. You pull him close and hold him tight. "KK, if I did that, it would be like I killed you. I can't do that to you, I can't …thit…I pity you KK. I know I'll never be able to fill your fluthed quadrant like Terethi did, but …I care about you a lot."

Tears are falling down your face, dripping into Karkat's hair and clashing horribly in your red and blue vision. But you have to stay strong for Karkat. You're his refuge, his safe place, his island in the middle of a sea that constantly threatens to drown him. You have to protect him.

But how can you protect someone who is so clearly beyond saving?


End file.
